We have all made mistakes. Some big enough to change someone’s life; some so small probably no one will ever remember. But every time when I realise that I’ve made a mistake, I pattern / habit is to start questioning/doubting myself.
“Why am I so stupid / How can I be so stupid?”
“What was I thinking? Isn’t it obvious that would have been a mistake?!”
“Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!”
In fact, this is something that I did recently. I hurt someone and it in turn, hurt me so deep. Whilst it was totally unintentional, the outcome was that I triggered that person and they were hurt. As soon as I realised this, I spiralled.
“How could I have been so thoughtless?! The message totally lacked compassion and empathy!” I didn’t just make it up - this is what they also told me.
What pained me the most was that they got hurt in the process, and now they have to live with this hurt. What was originally intended to be a message of “I understand what you’re going through” and an offer to support, it was perceived in a completely different way, and turned into a trigger and caused more damage.
For hours I struggled with the pain, and with these questions storming through my mind, I literally wiped out everything good that I’ve ever done in my life, including my initial intention to help…to the point where no matter how unintentional it was, all I could focus on was how I hurt someone, and I found the confirmation that I was looking for - “SEE! You ARE a bad person! You’re not a saint so you don’t deserve to be listened to. You shouldn’t connect with other people because you’d end up hurting them!”.......
Has anyone else been through this journey? My guess is that I’m not the only one.
Yes I may be a coach, but I also have my fears, self-doubting moments, and I also make mistakes. But as I cried to help myself release some tension and emotion, I had a profound realisation.
This was actually not about the other person.
This was about whether I deem myself worthy or not.
Do I deem myself worthy enough to be forgiven? Am I worthy enough to receive forgiveness from the other person, and most importantly, from myself?
Do I deem myself worthy enough to allow myself to express things in my own way, even at the risk of them being mis-interpreted?
The person forgave me when I apologised, but it doesn’t mean they no longer hurt. Through their message I could tell they were still in pain…so why should I forgive myself?
In the end, I came to the realisation that I must forgive myself if I want to grow.
I must forgive myself if I want to get stronger.
I must forgive myself if I am to continue on my journey in life.
As a friend reminded me - if you ask for strength, the Universe is not going to give you strength. It will give you the opportunity to practice getting stronger.
Of course I’m not saying it’s OK to do wrong things, to hurt others intentionally and then apologise and go about my life as if nothing has happened. This is about setting / resetting my intentions, to focus on my purpose, and to learn the lesson, and make sure that I don’t make the same mistake again. This is about understanding that other people may perceive your messages in a different way to your intentions, and it’s OK. This is about forgiving myself for making mistakes, so I can free myself from guilt, because the only way to be truly free of burden is to forgive.
But in order to do that, I have to love myself and deem myself as worthy.
Love doesn’t come only from outside the inside world - Love needs to come from within. To love myself unconditionally, means that I will be willing to forgive myself repeatedly, no matter what I do, so I can grow to be the best version of myself. Worthiness doesn’t come from the outside either; it’s an inside job. No matter how much someone else tells you you’re worthy, you will not believe them, until you deem yourself worthy, so you have to believe in it.
So the question is, do you deem yourself worthy enough to be forgiven again and again, and to give yourself thousands of chances?
If yes, congratulations. I applaud you for your success. Life flows easier when you believe your own worth. 👏
If not, you may still be in pain right now. However, there are ways you can practice your self worth. 💖
Self worth also can be brought in through rewiring of the brain, through consistent reminders - whether you set it as a message on your phone, write yourself a note and stick it on your wall, or you stand in the mirror and keep telling yourself. Either way, keep practicing and I promise it will come. 💪
To the person I hurt - I am sincerely sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you. I hope that soon you will be able to overcome the pain. 🙇
To myself - I am sorry I ever doubted your worth. You are worthy of being forgiven. 🙏
“You are worthy of being chosen, fought for, and loved. Remember that.” - Mark Groves
Comments