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Healing Starts From Within: How Self-Love Can Break the Cycle of Unhealthy Coping

Writer's picture: Janette WongJanette Wong
Your healing start with YOU 💖
Your healing start with YOU 💖

Unhealthy coping mechanisms often feel like a quick fix to numb the pain, quiet the noise, escape the stress, or to release pent up emotions, but in the long run, they keep us stuck in patterns that only deepen our struggles. What if I told you there is another way? A way to start healing from the inside out and reclaiming a sense of wholeness? That’s where self-love comes in.


Self-love isn’t just about bubble baths, affirmations, or indulging in small pleasures (though those can be part of it). At its core, self-love is about making choices that honour and nurture your mental health and emotional well-being - even when it’s uncomfortable (or cringey!). It’s a practice, not a fleeting feeling, and it starts with small, deliberate actions.


Why Unhealthy Coping Keeps Us Stuck

Unhealthy coping mechanisms often emerge from a place of unresolved emotional hurt. They are a way for us to shield ourselves from feelings of loneliness, disappointment, stress, or even failure. Maybe it’s excessive scrolling to distract yourself, numbing through food or alcohol, overcommitting to avoid being alone with your thoughts, or lashing out at loved ones. The trouble is, these behaviours offer temporary relief (i.e. instant gratification) but rarely lead to true emotional healing.


The first step to breaking these bad habits is understanding that healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey - one that requires a lot of self-compassion, patience, and intentional action. And it’s okay if the first steps feel hard - that’s how you know you’re stepping into personal growth...because it's outside of your comfort zone!


Self-Love Starts as an Action

Here’s the truth: self-love doesn’t always feel natural at first, especially for those who are in lack or not used to it. It might feel awkward, or even forced, to start prioritising yourself in ways you never have before. That’s because self-love often begins as an action before it becomes a knowing.


I learned this the hard way. There was a time when I spent £20,000 on 7 personal development courses in just one weekend...yes...ONE WEEKEND. At the time, I convinced myself that it wasn’t retail therapy - this was personal development and it's called "investing in myself", right? But deep down, I knew the truth: I didn’t believe I was loveable or even capable. No matter how much I learned, I felt like nothing could fill the void of my own self-doubt and lack of self-worth. In fact, after buying those courses (which by the way, I have still not opened), I kept spiralling down to anxiety, overwhelm, and stress. Not only did I need to do my corporate job (I was in full time employment back then), I also felt the anxiety build up every day that I spent trying to figure out which course I should do first in order to make me worthy, lovable, and finally good enough. If you’re in this situation right now, know that you’re not alone, and you can come out of it!


Looking back, I realised I was relying on external solutions to fix an internal problem. It wasn’t until I began practicing small, intentional acts of self-love that things began to shift. The journey was SO uncomfortable at first - I doubted every day for a while because it felt silly and selfish and...kind of pointless. At one point I even felt like I was diminishing myself "Oh look, pity little me - I can't even find anyone to love me so I have to do it myself"(I was very unaware back then!🙈) But with time, those consistent actions became a foundation to trusting and loving with myself, and I began to be able to admire myself and like myself in ways I had never been able to in the past!


What matters most is consistency. The more you show up for yourself - even in small ways - the more natural self-love becomes. Over time, these small actions build trust with yourself, and you will begin to see that you are worthy of care, compassion, and healing.


Practical Ways to Practice Self-Love Daily

If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few simple but powerful ways to incorporate self-love into your daily life:

  1. Create a Morning Ritual: Begin your day with something that grounds and centres you, whether it’s journaling, meditating, or simply enjoying a cup of tea/coffee without distractions. Practicing a mindful ritual can set a positive tone for your day.

  2. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to things that drain your energy and yes to things that nurture you - both with others and yourself! This is an essential part of emotional regulation and self-care as it will give you more space and energy to handle things that really matter (including practicing self-love!)

  3. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up, without judgment. Emotional healing starts when you allow yourself to be honest about what you’re experiencing and feel into it, because the more you feel into it, the less scary and overwhelming it becomes, so you'll be able to work through the emotions.

  4. Practice Gratitude: Shift your focus from what’s missing to what you have. Gratitude can help reframe your mindset and open the door to self-acceptance and self-love.

  5. Try My 31-Day Self-Love Challenge: If you’re looking for an easy, gamified way to build self-love into your routine, download my free challenge HERE. It’s designed to help you practice self-love in bite-sized, manageable steps.

  6. Get support from professionals: While self-love is a personal journey, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Reiki and coaching are some examples of powerful tools that can help you uncover and release emotional blocks, develop self-awareness, and create a deeper connection with yourself. My upcoming co-hosted Online Reiki Workshop Series is the perfect opportunity to explore these practices further. Check out the details and get your tickets: LIVE.LOVE.HEAL.


Healing starts here, with small, intentional acts of self-love. It’s not always easy, but it is REALLY worth it. Remember, self-love isn’t about doing it perfectly. It’s about showing up for yourself every day and trusting that you are deserving of the care and compassion you give to others.

If you’re ready to take the next step in your journey, download my 31-Day Self-Love Challenge or join one of my upcoming workshops. And as always, I’m here to support you - whether through Reiki, coaching, or simply sharing this space with you.


You are worthy. You are enough. And you are not alone.



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